A deplorable tabletop game devoid of joy, hope, or humor; which, regrettably, is also far more awesome than it has any right to be.
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Endangered Orphans is a 2 to 4 player hybrid card game /slash/ board game/slash/horrible game that really should be ignored at all costs.
Unless you enjoy fun strategy games that are challenging without being difficult to learn. In which case, you should not ignore this game for the cost of $25 plus shipping.
So, if you are willing to spend money on a tragically enjoyable game, remember:
YOUR BASIC, POORLY SHOT GAME WALK-THROUGH VIDEO:
Tweet photo proofs to @WeRCertifiable or on our Facebook whatsit.*Certifiable Studios has NO affiliation or association with these Kickstarter Games/Campaigns. We just think they are cool and really think you people should put your money towards something worth while for a change.
ONE NIGHT ULTIMATE ALIEN: http://kck.st/2bUbDXa
NO HONOR AMONG THIEVES: http://kck.st/2bXmJdZ
FAMILY PLOTS : http://kck.st/2cHVtAT
**TWEET OR FACEBOOK PHOTO PROOF OF STAMPED, SEALED LETTER TO EXPEDITE UNLOCK
FIRST ANTI-STRETCH GOAL UNLOCKED! FOOLS!
SECOND ANTI-STRETCH GOAL UNLOCKED! SEE WHAT YOU WILL DO WITH THIS!
REMAINING ANTI-STRETCH GOALS (SUBJECT TO WHATEVER THE HELL WE WANT)
Here you are, reading into the depths of this hopeless campaign, despite the surplus of warnings, atrocities, and opportunities to simply turn away. Risk and Challenges, it would seem, are not concepts you consider intimidating. It is only fair, therefore, that we attempt to match your perseverance, and admit our own shortcomings and limitations. After all, should you choose to cast aside your own safety for the sake of The Orphans, the least we can do is tell you how we, personally, may well screw this up for you and for them.
Being skillful and unapologetic pessimists, we have assumed few to none would be foolish enough to back this doomed venture. As such, a base funding goal of $4,097 was set, a minuscule pittance for some, but a seemingly insurmountable goal for The Orphans.
Shipping, of course, would be entrusted to the good people at USPS, UPS, or, depending on the final funding amount, a fulfillment company.
Endangered Orphans will use EU friendly shipping. Alternatively, the value of the game will be listed at a reduced sales cost, matching the reward level you may have chosen, allowing the minimum threshold for Import duty and VAT to be charged in many countries. Of course, we can't assure an unpleasant plague, insidious virus, or fluid-sapping arachnids won't also hitch a ride with the packages, as they all want to do. But, again, you aren't one to concern yourself with petty risks.
Endangered Orphans of Condyle Cove has been painstakenly, even painfully, playtested by groups ranging in age from far too old to care to far too young to understand. Though not all were completely enthralled by the activities, not one person broke out in any form or rash, expired from mysterious causes, or found fit to physically assault or belittle us, and thus we feel comfortable saying that, at the very least, that it plays as promised and is unlikely to cause you death, though far be it from us to jinx anything.
Furthermore, all of the artwork, accessories, and pre-press deliverables have been completed and the final game is ready to be manufactured at the very moment the campaign concludes, a rare show of optimism on our part. In keeping with that uncharacteristic idealism, we feel that the full, fast, incident free delivery of all pre-stretch goal deliverables is within reach.
In the event of a legitimate miracle that allows us to reach any of our preposterous stretch goals, we will unquestionably provide constant and detailed updates on not only our steps to assure full and pleasant delivery of the promised rewards, but also of our utter and complete shock and humble outpouring of gratitude and indebtedness. Also, perhaps, our in-depth investigation into who may be behind such a cruel hoax.
In summation, we feel that there is nothing we have promised that we can not deliver, if in fact we find that others, like you, so choose to put your own happiness on hold for the sake of imaginary, illustrated Orphans.
Bless you all, and good luck.